If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section, then

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you, then.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says it's not quite as good as his mother made it, then

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for however long you want, then

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't give a darn about football, and can sit next to you while you watch romantic movies, then

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet, and whom you can push off if he snores, then

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, who doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, then

If you want someone who doesn't care if you are fat or thin, young or old, then

If you want someone who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually, then

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your existence is solely to ensure his happiness, then